Elaya-Jane McGarvey

On illusions, safety, and what my son taught me about love. The moment it clicked It wasn't until I watched my son and his girl friend (now my daughter-in-law) together that I truly knew a healthy, conscious relationship was possible. For me. Honestly? That one still trips my brain up a little. Here I was, a grown woman with years of personal growth under my belt, and it took a young couple quietly loving each other healthily to show me what I'd been searching for my whole li

In my last post, we talked about the see-saw. The surging and the sinking. The 10pm pantry reorganise followed by a full day of being glued to the couch. I know that it resonated with many of the people in my life! As well as brining up plenty of memories of my own life in times past. The see-saw isn't random. It runs along pathways your nervous system laid down long before you could talk. And over time, those pathways quietly became part of what you now call your personality

Perhaps.... We are not moody. Perhaps.... We are stuck cycling. Let's start with a little reframe, shall we? What if you're not moody? What if you're not unpredictable, or flaky, or "too much", or one of those people who just self-destructs every few months for fun? What if you're simply cycling the stress response? You know the pattern. You get a burst of energy and suddenly you're reorganising the pantry, starting three new projects, saying yes to everything and replying to

IIf you've felt strange lately, you're not alone. Maybe you've been waking at 3am for no reason. Maybe old friendships have gone flat, your tolerance for noise and drama has vanished, or you've been crying over nothing and then laughing ten minutes later. You might feel tired in a way sleep doesn't fix, or restless in a way that has no name. Then someone says, "You're going through a frequency shift," and you wonder whether that's a genuine explanation or just spiritual langu

There's a particular kind of vertigo that comes with this season of life — not the dramatic kind, where something falls apart overnight, but the quieter kind, where you look around one day and realise that the ground you built your identity, your relationships, your sense of "who I am" on... simply isn't as solid as you had thought. I'm in that place right now. Genuinely. Not metaphorically, not as a nice topic to write about from a safe distance — I am living inside it as I

Here's a question I want you to sit with for a moment, not answer straight away: when was the last time you helped yourself the way you help everyone else? Not squeezed in five minutes between fixing someone else's crisis. Not "self-care" that's really just recovery from giving too much. I mean actually, deliberately, turned your attention toward your own healing with the same devotion you give to your partner's stress, your friend's heartbreak, your child's homework, your co

When Your Body Remembers Before Your Mind Does There's a moment I want to describe, because I think so many of you will recognise it. You're in the same room as someone you love. Nothing is being done to you. Maybe he's frustrated with traffic, with a bill, with a bad day — and a door gets slammed, a sigh gets sharper, the air in the room changes. You know.... He's not angry at you. He's not even really angry at anything you had a hand in. And yet, some part of you goes quiet

Every year, around the 8th of August, something shifts. You might feel it as a subtle pull — a sense that things are moving, opening, asking to be looked at. This is the Lions Gate Portal, and if you've felt that quiet nudge lately, you're not imagining it. This year's Lions Gate feels different. Not louder, not more dramatic — just clearer. And in this piece, I want to unpack why, in plain language, without the mysticism overload. I also want to talk about something that sit

The Thing That Happens Before You Even Notice It's Happening I want to start with something small, because I think the small moments are where all the real work actually lives. An Example: My partner is looking disinterested while I am trying to share how I am feeling. My chest tightens before my brain has even formed a thought. My lungs start panting, my jaw tenses, my arms cross my body. My brain is creating the story that he does not care how I am feeling. My heart begins

I want to tell you something that took me a long time to understand, and that I think might change the way you move through the world once you really let it land. We've been sold a story about magnetism. That it's loud. That it's confident in the way that fills a room, commands attention, makes people turn their heads. That it's something you perform a posture, a voice, a way of walking in that says "look at me." But the more I've taught, the more I've sat with people in thei

There's a loop I want to talk about today. Not because it's comfortable to name, but because I think a lot of people are living inside it without knowing what it's called. It goes something like this: Something happens. A look, a tone, a silence that feels loaded. And before your rational mind even has a chance to catch up, something inside you fires. Your chest tightens. Your thoughts speed up. A story starts building — fast, urgent, convincing — and within seconds you're no

A 7-minute read For most of my life, I was told I was too much. Too loud. Too intense. Too… a lot. And I grew up in hospitality, so I learned very early how to read a room. How to dial it up or dial it down. How to walk into a space and within thirty seconds, know exactly who needed warmth, who needed humour, who needed me to be small so they could feel big. I was good at it. Really good. I could win over a table of strangers in under five minutes. But here's what I didn't un

Your Body Compass: And Why It's Time to Upgrade Your body has been trying to talk to you your whole life. The tight chest before a hard conversation. The nausea when someone's lying straight to your face. The lightness in your step when you make a decision that's actually right for you — not right for everyone else, right for you. These aren't random. They're messages. And for most of human history, learning to read them has been one of the most valuable things a person could

There’s a moment in life where you realise… You’re not just carrying thoughts...You’re carrying history. And not just your own. The Viral Truth Most People Aren’t Ready For Your body doesn’t break down randomly. It speaks… when something inside you hasn’t been heard. Not in a dramatic, punish-you way. But in a quiet, persistent… “There’s something here that still needs your attention.” The Emotional Pattern Beneath the Surface For many people, the deeper story isn’t physical.

Why You Feel Like You’re Not Enough, Even When You’re Doing Everything Right There’s a quiet kind of suffering that doesn’t always look dramatic. It looks like: Trying to keep up… but feeling unprepared Wanting to be seen… but never quite feeling enough Holding it all together… while your mind and body quietly unravel And underneath it all? A deep, aching question: “Do I actually belong here?” That feeling of “not enough” doesn’t come out of nowhere — it’s usually learned. La

Surrender Is the Shift: The "Fix-me" Paradigm is no Longer Effective There comes a point on the path where self-improvement becomes… exhausting... and so last Century! You’ve journaled. You’ve reflected. You’ve tried to change the parts of yourself that you don’t like. And yet… something still feels tight. Effortful. Like you’re constantly managing yourself just to feel okay. Let me offer you something softer. Something truer. You don’t need to fix yourself anymore. You don’t

Why Self-Regulation your Emotions Is the Missing Skill No One Taught You Sometimes, there’s a moment that defines how your entire life unfolds. It ’s not when everything is going well, i t ’s the moment when: You’re triggered You feel rejected Something doesn’t go your way Your chest tightens and your thoughts speed uo And in that moment… You either abandon yourself… or you hold yourself. Most of us were never taught how to do the second. What Does It Mean to “Hold Yourself”

You’re not stuck because life is hard. You ’re not stuck because of your past. And you’re definitely not stuck because the universe forgot about you. You’re stuck because… you keep reacting to the same story. I know. Bit of a gut punch, isn’t it? But stay with me—because this is actually very good news. The Pattern You Can’t See (But Keeps Running the Show) Here’s what I’ve noticed—both in my own life (oh yes, I’ve had my fair share of “why is this happening again ?” moments)

If you’ve ever struggled with how to speak your truth without hurting others, or noticed signs of a blocked throat chakra, you’re not alone. The widespread fear of speaking one's truth—often manifesting as self-censorship—has become a significant and widespread issue in contemporary culture. According to current research, a significant majority of individuals find it difficult to express their true thoughts and feelings. In fact, studies show that almost 90% of people have ex

Why Your Body Isn’t Broken There was a time in my life when I thought being “on edge” was just part of my personality. They call it a Type A personality right? Maybe you know the feeling… That low hum of tension in your chest. The inability to fully exhale. The mind that won’t sit down and be quiet, even when your body is begging for rest. Busy. Capable. Holding it all together. Until one day… my body was giving signs of adrenal burn-out., my fatigue and unwellness were of