Is Grief Felt on Both Sides of Death?

Jane McGarvey
2 days ago
8 min read

This is a question that quietly visits many parents once they move beyond fear of death and into love for those they’ll one day leave behind.

Not Will I die? But How will my children be when I’m gone? And even more tenderly… Will their pain hurt me where I am?

If you believe, as I do, that the soul is eternal and that death is not an ending but a transition, then this question deserves to be explored with softness rather than dread.

From a Soul’s Perspective: Pain Changes Shape

In the physical body, pain is sharp, personal, and immediate. It lives in nerves, hormones, memory, and attachment. It grips us because our bodies are designed to hold on.

But from the perspective of the soul, pain doesn’t disappear—it transforms.

The soul does not experience suffering the way the human body does. It experiences awareness, compassion, and love without the constriction of fear.

So if, from the spiritual plane, we are aware of our children’s grief, it is not with anguish or helplessness. It is with an expanded understanding that includes:

Why grief exists
How love never leaves
And how pain is part of the human initiation into depth and meaning

The soul does not suffer because the soul remembers the whole story.

Grief Is Not a Failure of Faith

One of the great misunderstandings around spiritual belief is the idea that grief means disbelief.... It doesn’t.

Grief is not a sign that our children have failed to understand the eternal nature of the soul. It is simply the body missing what it once touched. Skin remembers skin. Arms remember holding. The nervous system remembers safety.

Your children will miss you not because you are gone, but because you were real.

And that is not something to be fixed.

Love beyond death and what is the soul's perspective on grief

Preparing Children Without Being Morbid

The question then becomes: How do we prepare our children for our eventual death without frightening them or burdening them?

The answer is not in big conversations about dying. It’s in how we live now.

Children learn far more from how we relate to change than from what we say about death.

You prepare them by:

Talking openly about emotions
Normalising cycles: beginnings, endings, seasons, loss and renewal
Letting them see you trust life, even when it changes
Modelling curiosity instead of fear around the unseen

You don’t need to say, “One day I’ll die.” You can say things like:

“Love doesn’t stop just because we can’t see someone.”
“There’s more to life than what our eyes can see.”
“We’re always connected, even when things change.”

These are truths, not threats.

Teaching Them to Receive, Not Just Remember

One of the most beautiful gifts you can offer your children is the idea that love is not only something we remember—it is something we can still receive.

This doesn’t require them to believe in signs, angels, or spirit communication in any specific way. It simply invites openness.

You might encourage this by saying:

“If you ever feel me, talk to me.”
“If you think of me suddenly, trust that.”
“Love doesn’t disappear—it just changes form.”

This removes the pressure to let go and replaces it with permission to stay connected differently.

Peace Comes From Accepting Different Arrival Times

One of the deepest truths we can make peace with is this:

We will all leave this plane at different times. That isn’t punishment. It isn’t unfairness. It’s simply the design of physical life.

Peace doesn’t come from wishing we all arrived and left together. Peace comes from accepting that love is not bound by simultaneous presence.

The only way we remain “together” beyond physical life is by allowing love to evolve.

From holding hands…To holding memory…To holding energy…To holding presence without form.

Will Your Children’s Grief Hurt You?

From the soul’s perspective, no—it won’t hurt you. But it will move you.

You will meet their grief with a wider love than you could ever hold in a human body. You will understand that their pain is not a separation from you—it is a testament to the depth of the bond you shared.

And over time, grief softens. It becomes quieter. It turns into a presence rather than a wound.

That’s when many people begin to feel their loved ones again—not because the loved one has suddenly appeared, but because the nervous system has relaxed enough to receive.

Living So They’ll Feel You Later

The greatest preparation you can offer is this:

Live in a way that teaches your children that love is safe, expansive, and continuous.

Laugh with them.

Touch them.

Be emotionally available.

Apologise when you’re wrong.

Let them feel seen.

Because when you live fully and honestly, your essence becomes unmistakable.

And when you eventually leave your body, they won’t be searching for you in fear.

They’ll recognise you in warmth, memory, intuition, dreams, and quiet moments of knowing.

The Truth That Brings Peace

The truth is not that death separates us.

The truth is that form changes, but relationship continues.

And peace comes when we stop trying to keep love frozen in one shape and instead allow it to move—freely, creatively, eternally.

We don’t prepare our children for death by teaching them how to lose us.

We prepare them by teaching them how to receive love in all its forms.

Because love has never belonged to the body alone. And it never will.

A Gentle Permission

It’s also important to say this gently and clearly: it is okay to be okay with death. It is okay if grief moves through quickly, lightly, or differently than expected. There is no moral requirement to suffer in order to prove love.

Some people cry for years; others feel a brief, sharp ache followed by a quiet acceptance. Neither path is wrong.

Moving through the grief cycle swiftly does not mean someone loved less—it often means they trust life more. When we give ourselves and our children permission to grieve in their own way, without timelines or performance, we remove shame from the process.

Peace is not avoidance; it is a valid and deeply human response to understanding that love does not end, even when form does.

5-Minute Meditation: Creating a Soul Meeting Space

Purpose: To create a calm, loving inner space where connection already exists—so that when physical form changes, the relationship does not feel lost, only different.

Settling In (30 seconds)

Sit or lie down comfortably.Let your body be supported. Close your eyes if that feels safe.Allow the breath to return to its natural rhythm.

There is nothing to fix. Nothing to achieve. Just presence.

Three Opening Heart Breaths (1 minute)

Place one hand gently over the centre of your chest.

First Breath – Opening

Inhale slowly through the nose, imagining the breath entering directly into your heart space. Exhale through the mouth, releasing tension, expectation, and control.

Second Breath – Softening

Inhale into the heart again, allowing it to soften and widen.Exhale gently, letting the body know it is safe to feel love without fear.

Third Breath – Connecting

Inhale deeply, as though your heart is breathing outward as well as inward.Exhale slowly, sensing warmth, familiarity, and quiet recognition.

Creating the Meeting Space (2 minutes)

Now, imagine a space that feels peaceful and timeless.It might be real or imagined—a room, a garden, light, or simply a feeling. There is no urgency here. This space exists outside of time.

Invite your loved one into this space—not as a body, but as their essence. They are alive now, and that is perfect. This is not about leaving—it is about recognising connection.

Notice how they feel rather than how they look. Notice the familiarity.The ease.

You don’t need words. Presence is enough.

Forming the Soul Link (1 minute)

Between your heart and theirs, imagine a gentle line of light. Not tight. Not binding. Just steady and alive. This line doesn’t drain or pull. It simply allows awareness.

Silently or aloud, say: “We are connected beyond form. We meet in love, in truth, and in peace. No matter how life changes, this connection remains.”

Feel the steadiness of that link. It requires no effort to maintain.

Quiet Stillness (30 seconds)

Rest here. No images. No thoughts. Just the felt sense of connection.

This space now exists within you.It is familiar. Accessible. Safe.

Closing (30 seconds)

Gently thank this space—not because it is fragile, but because it is permanent.

Take one slow breath in. One slow breath out.

When you are ready, open your eyes.

Final Reassurance

This meditation does not call death closer. It does not invite loss. It builds continuity.

By creating a meeting space now, you teach your nervous system that connection is not dependent on physical presence—and when the time of transition eventually comes, love already knows where to meet.

Companion Meditation: Meeting Loved Ones Beyond the Veil

Purpose: To gently support grief while maintaining connection, allowing love to be felt without overwhelming the nervous system.

Settling the Body (1 minute)

Find a position that feels supportive—sitting or lying down. Let your body be held by whatever is beneath you. Close your eyes if that feels comfortable.

Bring your attention to your breath. No need to change it yet. Just notice it arriving… and leaving. If emotion is present, let it be. This is a space where nothing needs to be fixed.

Three Grief-Supporting Breaths (1 minute)

Place one hand on your heart and one on your belly.

First Breath – Acknowledging Loss

Inhale slowly through the nose.Exhale through the mouth, quietly naming what is true: “Something has changed.”

Second Breath – Allowing Feeling

Inhale gently. Exhale softly, giving permission: “I am allowed to feel this.”

Third Breath – Inviting Support

Inhale again, imagining breath filling both hands. Exhale, sensing that you are not alone in this moment.

Creating the Grief Holding Space (1½ minutes)

Now imagine a space around you—soft, open, and calm. This is a space that can hold emotion without collapsing.

Your grief is welcome here. Tears, numbness, confusion, longing—none of it is wrong.

Notice that grief has weight…But it is being held, not carried alone. Let your shoulders soften. Let the jaw unclench.

Inviting the Loved One’s Presence (1 minute)

When you are ready, gently invite the essence of your loved one into this space.

Not their body. Not their final moments. Just their presence—the feeling of them.

You may sense warmth, memory, stillness, or nothing at all. All experiences are valid.

There is no pressure to see or hear anything.

Simply notice: Does the space feel different?

Silently say:

“You are not gone from me. You are with me in a new way.”

Maintaining Connection Without Pain (1 minute)

Between your heart and theirs, imagine a soft, glowing awareness. Not intense. Not overwhelming. This connection does not erase grief. It allows love to coexist with it.

Say quietly:

“I release the pain of absence. I keep the truth of love.” Let that settle gently.

Closing and Grounding (30 seconds)

Begin to bring awareness back to your breath. Feel the surface beneath your body.

Know this: You can return to this space whenever you need. Connection does not require effort—only openness.