Is It Normal to Look to Your Adult Children for Approval?
As parents, we spend years guiding, teaching, and loving our children. We pour ourselves into their lives, hoping they’ll grow into kind, capable, and compassionate adults. And then, when they do, something unexpected happens: we start looking to them for approval.
This shift can feel subtle at first—a yearning for their validation, a deep longing for their praise. But when they disapprove of our choices or pull away emotionally, it can cut to the very core of our being. Why does it hurt so much? And how can we find peace when their approval feels so vital?
The Spiritual Roots of Seeking Their Approval
A Reflection of Our Own Souls
Our children mirror us in ways we rarely expect. When they approve of us, it feels like a spiritual affirmation—that we’ve done something right, that our love has landed where it was meant to. Their disapproval, however, can feel like a crack in that reflection, as though we’ve failed them or ourselves.
The Search for Redemption
Many of us carry guilt or regret from the past—moments when we feel we didn’t show up as the parent we wanted to be. Seeking their approval becomes a way to heal those wounds, to rewrite the story of our parenting through their eyes.
The Need for Belonging
Connection with our children is one of the most sacred bonds we experience. When they approve of us, it feels like love and belonging are being reflected back. But when disapproval comes, it can feel like rejection—not just of what we did, but of who we are.
Why Disapproval Hurts So Much
It Feels Like Rejection of Love
As parents, we equate love with acceptance. When our children disapprove of us, it can feel as though they’re rejecting the love we’ve given them, even if that’s not their intention.
It Challenges Our Identity
For years, being a parent was a central part of who we were. When our children disapprove, it can feel like they’re questioning that identity—and by extension, our value.
It Triggers Old Wounds
Disapproval often awakens deeper fears within us—fears of being unworthy, unloved, or misunderstood. It touches the tender parts of our soul where we’ve been hurt before, magnifying the pain.
How to Transform Pain Into Growth
Pain, while uncomfortable, is a profound teacher. It invites us to explore the spiritual dimensions of our relationships and ourselves. Here’s how to shift from seeking approval to cultivating inner peace:
1. Honor Your Journey as a Parent
Parenting is an act of devotion, filled with both grace and imperfection. Reflect on the love you’ve given, the lessons you’ve taught, and the sacrifices you’ve made. Your worth isn’t defined by their approval—it’s rooted in the depth of your intentions and the heart you poured into raising them.
Mantra: “I am a good parent, even in my imperfections. My love is enough.”
2. Detach With Love
Spiritual detachment doesn’t mean you stop caring—it means you release the need for control. Your children are on their own soul journey, just as you are. Their approval is not a measure of your value, but a reflection of their own path and perspective.
Mantra: “I release my need for their approval and trust in the love that binds us.”
3. See the Divine in Their Feedback
When your children express disapproval, try to see it as an opportunity for growth. Their words may carry a deeper truth that can help you evolve, even if it feels uncomfortable. Instead of reacting, ask yourself: What is the gift in this moment?
Mantra: “Every interaction is an opportunity to learn and grow.”
4. Cultivate Self-Approval
Turn inward and ask yourself: What do I think of who I am? Approval begins with self-compassion and self-love. When you validate your own journey, the opinions of others, even those closest to you, hold less weight.
Mantra: “I approve of myself. I am enough just as I am.”
5. Deepen Your Spiritual Practice
Use meditation, prayer, or journaling to connect with your higher self. When you align with your spiritual truth, the external world—including your children’s opinions—becomes less defining. Trust that your worth is eternal and rooted in love.
Mantra: “I am divinely loved and supported, always.”
6. Focus on the Sacred Bond
Beyond approval or disapproval lies the sacred relationship you share with your children. Love them for who they are, and let them love you in their own way—even if it looks different from what you expect.
Mantra: “Our love is deeper than words or approval.”
Quiz: Am I Seeking My Adult Children’s Approval?
Take this short quiz to explore your relationship with your adult children:
Do I feel hurt or rejected when my child disagrees with me?
Yes / No
Do I find myself trying to please them, even when it goes against my own needs or values?
Yes / No
Do I feel like their opinion of me determines my success as a parent?
Yes / No
Do I avoid expressing my true feelings for fear of their judgment?
Yes / No
Do I rely on their validation to feel good about myself?
Yes / No
Results:
Mostly Yes: You may be placing too much emphasis on your children’s approval. Reflect on ways to nurture your self-worth and detach with love.
Mostly No: You seem to have a healthy sense of self and are navigating the relationship with balance.
Final Thoughts
The pain of seeking approval from our adult children is real, but it is also an invitation to grow spiritually. Each moment of disapproval is an opportunity to step deeper into self-love, to reconnect with your divine essence, and to release the need for external validation.
Remember, your worth is not defined by their opinions—it is written in the love you’ve given, the lessons you’ve learned, and the soul you continue to nurture. Trust in the unshakable bond between you and your children, and let love guide you forward.
You are enough. You always have been.
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