I am super lucky in that I have the most amazing partner. He’s loving, supportive, dependable, affectionate, very present with his attention, very accepting of my edges. Basically, he checks every box on the list of “Dream Husband Qualities.”
Except one.
He’s a terrible listener when I’m trying to solve a problem. And not in the “Oh, he’s just nodding along and thinking about what’s for dinner” kind of way. No, no—he listens too actively. He swoops in like a problem-solving superhero, cape flapping in the wind, armed with a solution before I’ve even finished my sentence.
Now, don’t get me wrong—this is great if my “problem” is a flat tire or a Wi-Fi outage as he beyond amazing with emergency situations as a result of his super hero abilities. But when I just need to verbally untangle my thoughts, explore possibilities, and arrive at my own solution... he’s just not my guy for that.
And you know what? That’s okay. I have just realized that he is not trying to frustrate me, he genuinely is not the right guy for that particular job.
The Myth of the All-In-One Partner
Somewhere along the way, we were sold the idea that our romantic partner should be our everything... thanks Disney Princess'. Our best friend, our therapist, our personal chef, our handyman, our financial planner, our career coach, and our emotional support animal—all wrapped up in one convenient, loving package.
But here’s the truth: That’s a lot of hats for one person to wear. And some of those hats? They just don’t fit. So rather than feel like it is a deficit in my relationship, I am going to invest a little more into my support network to meet that need.
The Top Human Needs (And Who Else Can Meet Them)
We all have basic human needs, and while a great partner can fulfill many of them, expecting them to cover every single one is setting yourself (and them) up for frustration. Here are a few of the big ones and some alternative people to lean on:
1. Emotional Support – Yes, your partner can be there for you, but sometimes you need a different kind of ear. Your best friend, your mum, or even your dog (who will never interrupt you with a “quick fix”) can be great for this.
2. Intellectual Stimulation – If you’re obsessed with philosophy or quantum physics and your partner’s idea of deep thought is wondering if pineapple belongs on pizza (it does, trust me), then maybe your book club or nerdy best friend is a better fit for those discussions.
3. Problem-Solving Soundboard – Ah yes, my personal struggle. If you, like me, need someone to just listen while you verbally sort through your thoughts, find that one friend who understands the art of “holding space.”
4. Adventure & Novelty – Love trying weird new restaurants or spontaneous weekend getaways, but your partner prefers a predictable routine? Call that fun-loving friend who’s always up for an adventure.
5. Shared Interests & Hobbies – Your partner may not care about yoga, pottery, or collecting antique spoons, but someone out there does! Find your people.
Making Peace With “Almost Perfect”
Here’s the thing: If your partner is meeting most of your needs, that’s already a massive win. No one person is going to tick every single box, and honestly, expecting that is just asking for trouble (and disappointment).
Instead of lamenting what they don’t bring to the table, celebrate all the wonderful things they do. And when you need that missing piece, look to your broader support network—friends, family, mentors, and even professionals who specialize in areas your partner simply isn’t wired for.
For me? I now turn to a good friend when I need a sounding board for problem-solving. And my beloved partner? He gets to keep his superhero cape for the battles he’s actually equipped to fight—like the emergencies that pop up on the farm!
Because at the end of the day, a “mostly perfect” partner is more than enough.
And I am happy with more than enough!
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