It’s Not Personal... Even When It Feels Personal

Jane McGarvey
Aug 4
4 min read

How to Master Your Reactions and Reclaim Your Peace

Let’s get real. Anyone can say or do anything they want. That’s life.

People have opinions, bad days, projections, and sharp edges.

But here's the part where your power lies: It’s not what they say—it’s how I receive it. It’s not what they do—it’s how I choose to respond.

Now, don’t misunderstand me: I still feel things.

Words can sting. Energy can be heavy.

But when I notice those feelings rising, I know they’re often linked not to what the person just said, but to what I already believe about myself.

Egoic Pain vs. Emotional Truth

Let’s break it down.

If someone walks up to me and says, "Hey, you're ugly!" and I believe that I’m unattractive, guess what? That comment will land like a dagger in my gut.

My ego—the part of me that’s wounded, insecure, and desperate for validation—takes that comment personally.

The pain I feel? It’s not really about them. It’s my own unhealed inner dialogue echoing back to me.

I might:

Lash out defensively
Shut down and spiral
Replay the moment all day in my head
Let it define my worth

But now, let’s flip it.

If I don’t believe I’m ugly—if I’ve done the work to know my worth and love who I am—then the comment hits differently. I might smile, shrug, or say something like, “Wow, are you okay? That’s a lot of anger to carry.”

Not because I’m better or above anyone—but because I’m not carrying that wound anymore. And you can’t poke a wound that isn’t there.

So, How Do You Know if It’s Ego or Heart?

Your ego reacts. Your heart responds.

Here’s a simple way to tell the difference:

WOUNDED EGO	EMOTIONAL HEART
Takes things personally	Feels deeply, but observes
Needs to defend or attack	Holds space and breathes through pain
Says “How dare you say that to me?”	Asks “What’s going on with you?”
Builds a story around the moment	Stays present in the moment
Wants to win	Wants to connect or detach with love

10 Ways You Might Feel Wounded (and That’s Okay)

Recognizing your ego’s response doesn’t mean shaming it. It means becoming aware. These reactions often stem from deeper beliefs and unmet needs:

“How could they say that to me?”
“They always disrespect me.”
“I must not be enough.”
“I can’t believe they think that about me.”
“Why does this always happen to me?”
“They’ve ruined my day.”
“I should have stood up for myself louder.”
“I need to explain myself so they understand.”
“I feel so small and embarrassed.”
“They made me feel like I don’t matter.”

These are ego wounds being touched—and they’re invitations to heal.

10 Ways to Respond with Compassion (and Keep Your Peace)

Once you recognize the trigger, you have a choice. These are the responses that come from consciousness, not conditioning:

“This is more about them than me.”
“I don’t need to take this personally.”
“I wonder what pain they’re carrying.”
“I’m allowed to walk away with love.”
“I choose not to match their energy.”
“I can have boundaries without being reactive.”
“This moment doesn’t define me.”
“I’m okay even if they don’t like me.”
“They might be hurting and not know how to ask for help.”
“I don’t have to fix this—I just have to stay in my truth.”

Remember: No One Can Make You Feel Anything That Isn't Already Inside

That’s not blame. That’s radical responsibility—and it’s incredibly freeing.

When someone lashes out at you, they’re revealing their internal state, not a universal truth about you. You can still feel sadness, anger, or confusion—but those emotions become signals, not prisons. They point to what’s asking for attention in your inner world.

Reinforce That It’s Not Personal – Try This Practice

Step 1: Pause. before reacting, take 3 deep tummy breaths.

Step 2: Name what’s happening inside: I feel rejected. I feel disrespected. I feel hurt. That’s awareness, not weakness.

Step 3: Ask: “Where have I felt this before?”This helps you link the trigger to an internal belief, not just the current situation.

Step 4: Choose a compassionate response.Even silence can be powerful.

Step 5: Journal or reflect later:

What did I believe in that moment?
Is that belief still true?
What do I want to believe instead?

Final Thoughts: Peace Is an Inside Job

When you realize that your triggers are not personal attacks but personal invitations, your life changes.

You stop spending your energy reacting to every bump in the road. You begin to move from victim to witness. From reactivity to awareness. From ego to essence.

And eventually, you’ll notice something beautiful:

You no longer take things personally, because you’ve made peace with yourself.

Want to learn how to soften these ego-based reactions and heal the patterns beneath them?💬 Comment below or message me to find out how I canhelp you move from unconscious reaction to soul-led response.. Peace isn’t passive. It’s a daily choice.