We spend our whole lives trying to understand and manage our personality traits, learning by trial and error, some people, slower than most! I have been in the slower than most group when it comes to understanding who I am at a core level. Not that it is a competition, it is simply an experience after all, simply an experience, neither good nor bad. Make sense of your personality or don't, the choice is up to you how deeply you choose to dive into those hidden aspects and depths of your inner world.
Most people, often spending decades, truly unaware of how deeply these personality traits impact their pursuit of self-love and self-acceptance. It's as if we believe that being less ourselves will somehow make us more worthy of love? But the truth is, this constant battle, or this balance, between who we are and who we think we are, should be just a natural part of this journey that we call life. No need to speak harshly of yourself, each day is an opportunity to show up in a higher vibration than the day before, if that is what you are trying to achieve, If you choose to show up at a lower frequency, than do that, but only for as long as you choose to. If you choose to not show up for the new day, then so be it, you are after all, the master of your own destiny!
From an early age, we're taught that so-called "negative" aspects of our personality need to be corrected, or toned down in the least. Whether it's our impatience, sensitivity, stubbornness, introversion, arrogance, jealousy, selfishness..... and the list goes on, someone is always available to make it wrong, leaving us feeling self doubt and deeply criticized. But who is it wrong for? Did you hurt their feelings? Ruin the mood? Crash the project? Loose their respect? Ask them how your personality affects how they feel about themselves maybe? Because if they are reacting to your difficult edges, then there is also some growth opportunity for them to!
In truth, there's always something about us that feels like it doesn’t quite fit. These traits are often labeled as flaws by society, family, or even our inner critic. So, we spend years trying to sand down the rough edges of who we are, hoping that someday, the “perfect” version of us will emerge. One that is worthy of love, connection, and approval. But what if those very traits we work so hard to suppress are the keys to our authenticity? What if embracing those so-called flaws is exactly how we find self-love? What if we no longer feared who and what we are?
The truth is, we are all flawed. Imperfections and personality traits are all part of the human experience. The problem is, we often treat our flaws like enemies to conquer instead of unique characteristics that can teach us something about ourselves. This resistance to our natural state creates an inner conflict that drains us of energy and joy, preventing us from truly accepting ourselves.
Self-Acceptance Isn’t About Being Perfect
The first step in this lifelong journey is realizing that self-acceptance has nothing to do with being perfect. It's about seeing yourself for who you are—every layer, every quirk, every perceived flaw—and understanding that you are worthy of love and respect exactly as you are.
But how often do we allow ourselves this level of self-compassion? Society trains us to believe that self-improvement and self-acceptance are at odds. We equate growth with fixing what's "wrong" with us. The reality is, growth happens when we make space for all the parts of ourselves—the easy ones and the difficult ones, without judgement or criticism. Our personality traits are indeed a unique set of traits that are probably truly unique to each of us. The goal for you is to learn to understand them and not allow them to derail your journey into self love and acceptance.
Owning Your Difficult Traits
What if you made a list of the difficult personality traits that you believe you have, or that others have mentioned in the past? Would it be a long or a short list? Deep or shallow? Then, what if you leaned into them? If you felt safe to truly explore what they mean to you? What if, instead of seeing them as weaknesses, we explored their deeper meaning?
Often, these traits reveal our unmet needs or unhealed wounds. For example, impatience might point to a deeper desire for efficiency or a discomfort with uncertainty. Sensitivity could be a gateway to emotional depth and empathy. Stubbornness might just be the shadow side of determination. By understanding the root of these traits, we can learn to embrace them in ways that allow us to live more authentically.
We Call This Life
Life isn’t about fixing ourselves or fitting into a mold of who we think we should be. It’s about being. It’s about embracing the messy, chaotic, beautiful, and raw parts of ourselves that make us human. The journey to self-love and self-acceptance doesn’t have a finish line because it’s not a destination. It’s a process—a continuous unfolding of who we are.
When we stop fighting our personality traits and instead explore them, we give ourselves permission to live freely. We stop chasing perfection and start living with compassion. And perhaps, that’s the most loving thing we can do for ourselves.
We call this life because it’s an ongoing dance between understanding and accepting ourselves in all our complexity. It’s about learning that we are worthy not in spite of our flaws but because of them.
In Conclusion
We may spend our whole lives managing our difficult traits, but what if life isn't about changing ourselves but embracing ourselves? In this pursuit of self-love and self-acceptance, maybe the real transformation happens when we stop seeing our traits as barriers to love and start seeing them as part of the journey toward wholeness.
After all, isn’t that what life is all about?
Here are 10 tips to help offset your difficult personality traits while fostering growth and self-acceptance:
Self-Awareness: The first step in managing any difficult trait is recognizing it. Reflect on your behaviors, triggers, and patterns to understand how your traits affect your interactions.
Embrace Empathy: Cultivate empathy for others by seeing situations from their perspective. This can help you soften traits like stubbornness, impatience, or judgmental tendencies.
Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness helps you stay present, preventing you from reacting impulsively. It can be especially useful for managing traits like temper, anxiety, or restlessness.
Set Boundaries: Sometimes difficult traits emerge from overwhelm. Setting healthy boundaries protects your energy and helps you manage traits like irritability or defensiveness.
Communicate Clearly: Open, honest communication can neutralize misunderstandings that arise from traits like over-sensitivity or passive-aggressiveness. Let others know your intentions and emotions.
Channel Your Energy: Redirect challenging traits like stubbornness, impatience, or intensity into productive outlets, such as goal-setting, physical activity, or creative projects.
Practice Self-Compassion: Understand that difficult traits don’t make you unworthy. Be gentle with yourself when they surface, treating them as part of your growth journey rather than something to be ashamed of.
Seek Feedback: Ask trusted friends, family, or colleagues for constructive feedback on how you can manage or balance out your traits. This external insight can help you see blind spots.
Develop Emotional Intelligence: Work on identifying and managing your emotions. This helps you stay in control when faced with situations that would typically trigger difficult traits like impatience or frustration.
Work with a Therapist who can help you get to know who you are on a deeper level: Professional support, like with a Kinesiologist, can help you unpack the deeper roots of difficult traits and provide strategies to manage them more effectively, leading to greater personal growth.
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